Detoxing From Church

by Rob McAlpine

"Detox" Defined

While in seminary, one of the many classes I took that related to youth ministry included "Adolescent Development", which traced what the professor referred to as the "tasks of adolescence". His basic premise was that adolescence was a God-initiated process leading a young person into independent adulthood, and the "job" of youth leaders was to work with the process, not fight against it.

Compared to the common mentality in youth ministry (still far too prevalent today) which viewed the leaders' job as "keeping the troubled youth involved in church during their difficult teen years", this was a completely life-giving, paradigm-shifting revelation. What is called by some "rebellion" might actually be the normal shift of "individuation" - discerning the difference would have a significant impact on how you would deal with the individuals involved.

I believe it's equally possible to view what some of my friends and I have been referring to as "detoxing" from church as we've known it, in the same way - a process that we need to learn how to work with, not fight against or ignore. Brian McLaren, in his widely-read book "A New Kind of Christian", has a small section in the prologue which details the progression from recognizing there is something not quite right with church as we've known it, going through a tunnel of disillusionment and disconnection, and finally emerging into a period of renewed vision for re-constructing.

In describing what I just referred to as a "tunnel of disillusionment and disconnection", McLaren observes: "An individual or group in this phase turns against the old paradigm and can't stop talking about how wrong, inhumane, or insupportable it is."(A New Kind of Christian, page xi)

It is this part of the process that I've labeled "detox" - the period of time where individuals and groups go through an intense season of feeling betrayed, confined, and to a degree, deceived by their previous participation in a church system that they no longer find attractive, healthy, spiritually invigorating, or even biblical. They can't help but vocalize their disillusionment, and finding many people with the same feelings, they begin to realize that the problem isn't just them and their opinion. And with the popularity and easy access of the Internet, they find many others on the journey, with the same pain, and with the same dreams.

It is during this part of the process - an extremely necessary part, in my view - that much of the current animosity between disillusioned Christians and the churches (and leaders of the churches) that they've left can trace its roots. And it can get, quite frankly, ugly. Big time ugly.

But what if we can view this as a necessary process (call it a tunnel or whatever) which, once it runs its course, can actually produce maturity and life in people and groups? How can we work with the process and not against it?

Or, to make use of the Adolescent Development analogy, what are the tasks - and traps - of the detox?

Loving the Church Enough to Get Upset

Wendy observed at one of the recurring heights of disillusionment we have with the state of the church: "When Jesus said 'I will build My church', this can't be what He had in mind!"

One of the tasks of detox is simply to be able to look at the state of the Bride in today's society, and be able to honestly recognize and admit that we're in trouble. Yes, part of the problem is worldly ways of thinking, sinful patterns and addictions in peoples' lives, and selfish ambition (James 3:16) - and part of the problem is that too much of our current church structure works against our goals and dreams of seeing "every member a minister" (as the Plymouth Brethren used to say).

Sometimes, the only way people can adequately detox themselves is to completely step outside the system- usually ending up in a home group or house church that is wrestling through similar questions of what church is supposed to look like, and feeling the same sense of disillusionment, and even animosity towards, what some derisively call "institutional" churches.

It is important to remind everyone that at the bottom of this whole sense of detox are people who are in love with Jesus, and who want to be a part in the healthy functioning of the Body of Christ. If they didn't care, there would be no issues. They wouldn't be upset. They would either leave altogether, and never again seek out fellowship with other believers, or they would passively go through the motions week after week and never give their spiritual state a second thought.

People are in detox because they love Jesus and have a vision for being His Body in an advancing Kingdom on this earth.

It's vitally important that everyone remember this crucial point, and remind each other of it. Church leaders can take some of the disillusionment less personally, and those in detox need to remind themselves that this love for Jesus and for being a part of His Body is the ultimate reason and goal behind the journey they're on. It is far too easy (and inaccurate) to point the crosshairs of discontent at churches and their leaders - they aren't the enemy, even if sometimes they act or talk like it.

Likewise, church leaders need to remind themselves that these are Lovers of Jesus who are working through their disillusionment - they also are not the enemy, even when they act like it, talk like it, or blog like it. The task is to recapture a vision for the advancing Kingdom expressed through the Body; the trap is to get sidetracked into attacking the system, which only breeds ongoing bitterness and contempt for the rest of the Body.

Getting the System Out of Our System

Robert C. Girard's book, Brethren Hang Loose had a big impact on Wendy & I as young Christians, and Bob's desire to cut anything out of church programs that got in the way of Spirit-initiated growth and ministry still captures beautifully our heartbeat for ministry. The reason I find Bob such a great resource is that he and his church walked this destructuring road almost two generationa ago - their journey began in the late 60's and culminated (as a local church) in the mid-80's, and so he has an interesting perspective on their fourteen year journey from established church to a constellation of house churches, and back again, that could teach us a lot in the 21st century.

I had the privilege of speaking with Bob on the phone in the summer of 2002. I had been thinking about this whole concept of detox being a normal, healthy part of breaking out of "the system" in order to create something vibrant and new, or reform the existing churches, and I was very curious about getting his input.

Our first conversation was very, very brief, as Bob laughing confessed to having just got home from hip replacement surgery, and he was pumped so full of pain-killers that he didn't trust himself to talk about anything. We both had a good laugh, and at his suggestion, I called back again several days later.

I began by just asking Bob whether or not the whole idea that people need to detox out of the system, perhaps by leaving it altogether for a season, was realistic, which he immediately agreed with. But then he added a second, more mind-bending idea to my original premise.

Bob suggests that, at some point in time, "the system" was working for us; while we may be questioning it now, there was a time when we were getting some kind of perks or rewards from it. Bob suggests that until we, as individuals and groups, honestly deal with the areas of our lives that made us enjoy the system at one point - and repent or receive healing in those areas - we will only replicate the same dysfunctional patterns and attitudes in whatever structured or destructured group we ended up joining or creating. (Bob Girard passed away in 2007)

Friends of ours in Winnipeg once remarked on the similarities to the Israelites who were following Moses through the wilderness to the Promised Land. Their observation is that the Israelites may have left Egypt, but Egypt had not necessarily left the hearts of the Israelites. As told in Keith Green's old song "So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt", the Israelites had brought their old Egyptian attitudes and demands with them.

It's a chilling fact that the generation who seemed incapable of getting Egypt out of their system was the one that ended up dying in the wilderness. I think there's a very real danger that, if those who are in the midst of detox do not deal with their own issues (blaming everything on "McChurch" instead), they will end up "dying in the wilderness" in terms of their original desire for a more vibrant and Spirit-led community.

The task is allowing God to refine our attitudes, desires, and assumptions; the trap is assuming that the log in our own eye doesn't exist.

So When Are They Coming Back?

The assumption can be that once people work through a season of detox, that they'll be back in the pew "where they belong", ready to take part in the work of the church.

Maybe. Maybe not.

During my phone conversation with Bob Girard, one of the questions I had to ask was "after your church left its building behind, met only as house churches, and then completely ceased to exist four years later, what happened to the people?"

Bob related that, as far as he knew, all of the people ended up serving in a church, a para-church ministry, or in missions after they pulled the plug on the house churches. When I asked him if those same people viewed the 14 year history of their journey as a waste of time, or possibly even a mistake, he emphatically said that they felt that their journey together was absolutely crucial to their maturing as Christians.

Bob says that those he's talked to have all mentioned that they now lead quite differently - with a much stronger expectation and practice of community and being Spirit-led - than they would have had they not gone through their journey with Bob and the church.

Some people will detox out of their slavery to, and false expectations of, more established churches, and will quite possibly be a part of house churches for the rest of their lives. Others will re-enter "the system", but the system will no longer control their thinking and expectations, so they will be among the healthiest and most vibrant people in a church setting. They will have a deeper understanding of and commitment to authentic community, and can help the church at large to recapture areas that almost all leaders will admit (if they aren't being attacked at the same time) need re-imagining and re-vitalization. They will be a blessing, not a thorn in the flesh. And still others will find a way to detox while still "in" the system (i.e. they won't actually leave the church during the process), with similar results.

The task is for leaders and disillusioned people to walk through this process with some graciousness and long-suffering; the trap is to separate into increasingly polarized and finger-pointing camps.

Conclusion

There is a human tendency to want to prove that one way (our way) of expressing the gathered Body of Christ is somehow superior to all others, or (if we're attempting to sound humble), at least more effective in creating the first century church dynamic that everyone wants to experience and have flourish around them. This attitude is usually referred to as "pride" in the Holy Scriptures, and the last time I checked, God's not impressed by it -- quite the opposite, in fact (James 4:6).

There is also another human tendency that wants to rush people from point A of the detox to point B as quickly as possible, so we can all "get on with the job/ministry". But what if community health IS the job/ministry? That means it will take time -- which is a source of dismay for program-driven people and a source of relief for relationship-hungry people.

As the old saying goes, "time heals all wounds". While most of us today would recognize that statement as a wishful-thinking over-simplification, part of the healing that detoxing from church will produce does require time. And therefore it will also require patience (on both sides). And some long-suffering, too. Oh, and less striving. Don't forget to mix in some grace and mercy. Learn to live with less agendas. Liberally add lots of love.

Perhaps the biggest task for established churches and newer, de-structured communities (house or coffeehouse), and individuals (like me) will be to remember that this is ultimately God's thing. It's His Bride we're talking about here. God is fully aware of the state the Bride is in. He's more proactive, loving, and desirous of Her being healthy and attractive than any of us are capable of being. The trap we need to avoid is to let this whole (very necessary) process of detoxing from inadequate models of church leadership and church structure to polarize and further divide the very Bride that we're so longing to see come to maturity and health.

©2003-2010 Rob McAlpine