Jargonese

Maggi Dawn recently lamented that blogs require brevity (generally speaking) and sometimes she wishes we'd feel free to write longer pieces instead of blog-bytes.

Justin Baeder issued an invitation to post various "insider terms" that might be obscure to those outside the church (or denomination) but that get used frequently by, well, insiders. It got me thinking about how "insider" language, or jargon, can be both a good & bad thing.

So, in honour of Maggi, here's a somewhat longer post, which addresses a possible outcome of insider language (jargonese), and will demonstrate to Karl that I, too, make use of humour on my blog...

The "Evangelical Put-Down" Game Show!

(Enthusiastic applause)

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another half hour edition of "Evangelical Put Down"! The show where you can gain points and prizes for coming up with a creative, catchy way of putting non-Christians in their place with a simple expression! And now, here’s the host of "Evangelical Put Down", Anne Noying!"

(Wildly enthusiastic cheers)

Anne: Thanks everyone, and welcome to our show. Tonight our contestants will once again try to come up with a catchy way of putting non-Christians in their place. But remember, not only must this catchy phrase please the Christian doctrinal content quotient, it must also leave the non-Christian confused! Ready? Here's our pagan, and more important, here's our first contestant!
(Applause)

Pagan: Uh, hey, man, how about doing some drugs after school?

Contestant #1: No way! Why do you think they call it 'dope'? (Scattered applause from Christian audience)

Anne: Oh, no, I'm sorry, Contestant #1, but that’s just not the quality we're looking for. The expression has already been done, by secular sources (murmurs of disapproval from Christians), and it makes too much sense to the pagan. Let's bring out Contestant #2! (More applause)

Pagan: Uh, I really believe that we all evolved from lesser life forms. I think evolution explains man's origins.

Contestant #2: Hey, if you want to think your grandpa was a monkey, that's your privilege! (Wild applause from Christian audience)

Anne: Wow! Snappy comeback, Contestant #2! You really answered that pagan on the issue of evolution! He looks properly confused! And the Christians love the put down! Uh-oh, wait a minute...

I'm sorry, Contestant #2, but our panel of judges say that you won't gain doctrinal content points unless you throw in some Scripture somewhere. But a good effort, nonetheless! Let’s bring out Contestant #3! (More applause)

Pagan: Wait, lemme get a good one...

Anne: Hurry up, you dumb reprobate, we haven't got all day! (Boos from Christians)

Pagan: Uh, oh, I've got one! Hey, ya Jesus Freak, I think you're just a victim of brainwashing! Ya can't be intelligent and Christian at the same time!

Contestant #3: Well, I may be a Jesus freak, but then, who's freak are you?

Pagan: Huh? (Wild applause and cheers from Christians)

Anne: Whoa! What a great put down! Ladies and gentlemen, did you hear it? Pithy. Direct. Spiritual! Yes, and it looks like our judges are favourably impressed. Yes, the answer has adequate spiritual content, it confused the pagan completely, and it was a big hit with the other Christians present! We have a winner! Congratulations, Contestant #3!

Contestant #3: Aw, shucks, 'tweren't nothing!

Anne: I bet you have a great time relating your faith to those around you with a sharp mind like yours!

Contestant #3: Yep, witnessing is my business!

Anne: Well, that's about all the time we have for today. Make sure you join us tomorrow for another edition of "Evangelical Put Down"! (Wild applause and fade...)